i havent blogged in forever.everytime i come on ehre i think im gaa do better and i never do...i try to write down little things that goes on in ashers life so i dont forget when thoswe big moments were..but i started this blog hopeing i would write about how i felt and what his expressions were...oh well hopefuly one day ill get better at this...
today im not writting about asher.
today im struggleing.i thought maybe writting about it would help me in some way..so here it goes..
my mom has been having allot of health issues over the past year.she had surgery nearly a year ago to remove a gullstone that was the largest the dr had ever seen and since then..things have just gotten worse...a couple months ago she started having these "attacks" she would get terrible pain in her stomach and couldnt do anything. abotu a month ago,i was in pa for a week and mom went to the dr.they felt a lump in her stomach.i left for home the next day.and waited for a few days to hear any results..finally we heard the dr thought it was a hernea..but said that is not the reason for her pain...he then thought maybe the pain was from another stone.so tehy did blood work and were scheduling to doa colonoskopy(since she had never gotten one done) well yesterday morning i called mom,she was flying to florida that evening and we were planning to leave today to meet her there for a wedding down there this weekend..i was all kinds of excited:),so i called her and right away could telll something wasnt right in her voice.she said she had been up all night havnig such bad stomach pain,i asked her if it was like her attacks and she said no she also said it didnt feel like a belly ache either.so i hung up,told ehr to get some rest and really didnt think much else about it.ive been a little naeve abt my moms sickness since it started,i guess i can be,living this far away i dont see her every day or every week,i jsut hear her voice and if i know my momma, she has surgar coated everything she has been feeling to protect me from freaking out and being so far away.about an horu later my sister called me and asked if i talked to mom i said yea,she said something isnt right.me and my naevness again thought..im sure its fine.around lunch time mom called me and said shes not going ot florida,i asked her why and she said shes goin to the dr.he had just called with her blood test results and he didnt like what he seen adn after hearing she had been having such bad pain told her to go to the hospital.so when mom called,my sisters were on there way to her house and they were goin to take her in.i was just about to hang up with mom when i seen my sister rosa was calling.so i hung up and answered rosas call,i didnt want to let mom hear me cry cause i knew she was probably already worried about me,btu my sister wasnt gfana hear any strength in this voice.i answered the phone balling.she comforted me by telling me she was gana call me with any news they got.bless my dads heart.he was so worried.my sister in law called me and said she had to cry cause my brother was crying cause he had talked to dad who was crying.so i started cryin:)i was so thankful a friend of mine was here all day yesterday,other wise i would have probably sobbed all day long.anyways,the dr came in last evening and said 2 possibilities are a stone in the bile duct or an ulcer...they scheduled an mri that has gotten moved twice now and is now scheduled for 2 today.so we wait...meanwhile matt asher and i are leaving for florida in and hour or 2.im hopeing that will help take my mind off things for a bit.last night i dont know taht my husband has ever seen me so quite.but he was great,before i went to bed we curled up on the recliner and he just listened to me cry and express my feelings.the whole prego thing has made me a tad more emotional then usual:)i so want to be there with my family.i told him last night i feel like i would feel so much better if i was tehre although im sure i wouldnt.ive been skyping mom in the hospital,calling or texting my sisters every couple hours,although yersterday it was every hour on the hour:).i need to pack for florida but all i have been doing is sitting here on the couch thinkin about my family.i so badly want to hug my dad.i feel so sorry for him.i know how he worries adn im sure he is about beside himself right now.i know my mom is well taken care of,she has allot of friends visiting her today and hopefuly that will help her day go by fast.i wish so bad i could surprise her and walk in that room.i need to stop wishing.so im hopeing that the news we hear today will be good news,cause i dont know if i can handle any more uncertainty.this whole experience has brought so many emotions,i have thought and prayed so many times,God i need my mom! im the baby of the family,and it shows cause anytime im sick or i hurt myself or something funny happens or i do something clumsy ...i call my mom,shes the first person i think to tell those things to.the other morning i threw up cause of pregnancy,and i meen the minute i was done i called mom(of course i texted my husband first:)).its funny really.but shes....well...my mom.i love her more then any other women on this earth.and i cannot imagine what my lief would be like without her..i know ..we dont live in the same state.i dont SEE her everyday,but she is in my heart. this song,has touched me since the first time i heard it and it so reminds me of my mom...
"Like My Mother Does"


[Verse 1]
People always say
I have a laugh
Like my mother does
Guess that makes sense
She taught me how to smile
When things get rough

I've got her spirit
She's always got my back
When I look at her
I think, I want to be just like that

[Chorus]
When I love I give it all I've got
Like my mother does
When I'm scared, I bow my head and pray
Like my mother does

When I feel weak and unpretty
I know I'm beautiful and strong
Because I see myself like my mother does

[Verse 2]
I never met a stranger
I can talk to anyone
Like my mother does
I let my temper fly
And she can walk away
When she's had enough

She sees everybody
For who they really are
I'm so thankful for her guidance
She helped me get this far

[Chorus]
When I love I give it all I've got
Like my mother does
When I'm scared, I bow my head and pray
Like my mother does

When I feel weak and unpretty
I know I'm beautiful and strong
Because
I see myself like my mother does

[Bridge]
She's a rock
She is grace
She's an angel
She's my heart and soul
She does it all

[Chorus]
When I love I give it all I've got
Like my mother does
When I'm scared, I bow my head and pray
Like my mother does

When I'm weak and unpretty
I know I'm beautiful and strong
Because
I see myself like my mother does
Like my mother does

I hear people saying
I'm starting to look like my mother does