I dont know how to start this blog,but this is something that has been on my heart and God has really been taking me through a journey of trusting him..trusting him fully,in every area.This all started a little over 9 weeks ago,when an amazing,respectful young man from our church died very suddenly in a work related accident.He played softball with my husband,was an usher at our church and a very loved and respected young man.only 23..23 years on this earth.i will nevr forget hearing the news he died.it was so sudden.so shocking.so petrifying.at the moment we were on our way to greenville to meet some friends and the only thing i wanted to do was rush home ,grab my son and my husband and hold them on either side of me and NEVER let them go.the next couple days were heart wrenching.i could not get the family our of my mind.i couldnt stop thinkin about his mother,the pain she was feeling,i kept thinkin about my relationship with my son,from the moment i knew he was in my womb we had such a special bond,to have that bond just torn away,without any warning.i thought about his mother so much,i could almost feel her pain,although i knew there was noo way my pain was even remotely close to hers.it was that moment,that mentally i did what i wanted to do physically.i "took"my son and my husband in my hands and i closed them.over the next couple weeks every night i would pray ,i would cry out to God,"dont take them Lord,i cant go through what that family is going through,dont Lord,DONT take them"and with closed fists i would say "amen" i prayed this prayer over and over again.the fear of loosing them was robbing me of every day i had with them.until about 3 weeks ago.i went to mops ,it was our first mops since we let out in the spring,and i didnt expect to hear what i heard.one of our mentors,she may be the best female speaker i have ever heard,was sharing,i was excited to hear what she had to share but thought it would be on what to expect at mops this year,instead God spoke so many words through her that went straight to my heart...heres the story she shared,the way i remember.... "when my daughter was little she was playin out back ,and we were out in the front yard,when we heard her scream,a scream we knew soemthing was wrong,we ran to the back yard and picked her up and she said a snake ran across her foot,sure enough there was a black snake slithering up the yard.and as i watched it i heard the enemy say "see!i can get to her whenever i want!"a couple weeks ago i was reminded of this when i saw this hawk out on our playground out back,he was tearing somthing apart,just shredding it to pieces,so i got my binoculars and looked and it was a black snake...imediately i told the enemy "see!!no you cant!!"" and then she said the most beautiful words,in the most passionate tone and with tears in her eyes she said "you see ladies,i trust the Lord with my children"the way she said it,the way her eyes were so peaceful when she said it,i got tears,i wanted that.i came home that night and as i was praying with my son that evening,i told the Lord,"ok God im opening my hands,here they are,take my husband and my children and do whatever you want with them Lord, i am trusting you with them fully.i will open my hands every day Lord.help me!"the next couple days i prayed the same prayer,over and over,i had to remind myself,he is trustworthy,i can trust him! 3 days later,my friend steph and her daughter came over to play ,the kids were playing outside and asher decided he wanted a swing ride.we bought him a swing that is likea bucket with holes to put his feet in,thats kinda how it looks,not the normal baby swing.we have a concrete porch abotu 2 feet off the ground,the swing hangs down right over the edge of the porch,we push him out of the porch and he swings back in,get the picture?so i put him in and was swinging him as high as he could go,(by the way i also a week away from having a baby,)right when i pushed him out of the porch,the one string completely ripped out of the ceiling and all i saw was asher hangin there,his head coming straight for the edge of the concrete porch,i couldnt stop the swing by grabbing it cause if i did he would have jerked out of it,i had to be able to grab him and i couldnt do that until he swung in to me,theres no explanation as to how he didnt fall out,or how his little head didnt smash into the concrete,but i screamed and grabbed him,he was crying simply because i screamed,and i held him so tight and cried so hard and imediately i heard the enemy scream "see what He does when you give your kids to Him??!"my friends left soon after the incident and i came inside and was feeding asher lunch and as i watched him i heard the Lord speak so softly to my heart,"do you see what I did?there was no way that you could have protected him from what was going to happen,but i could!you can always trust me that i know best!" i sat there in tears,how i cried."Lord forgive my unbeleif!" i dont know why bad things happen,i dont know why God chose to take that dear womens son away from her at so young of an age,but i know ..i KNOW that my savior has His hand in EVERY situation,and i KNOW that i can trust Him with the things most precious to me.because no matter what,good or bad, God is still God and God is still good!!! thank You JEsus!!!