bonuses...

today i have to write..and this may be an extremely long post as i have so much on my mind..my heart is so heavy today.and i have tears streaming down my face..and the odd thing is im crying for someone i dont even know..last night i came across a blog of a little family from pa that there 5 year old son is loosing his battle to luekimia.i want to post the blog on here so anyone can go see it and maybe u will understand the tears i had while reading it and the tears that continue to stream everytime i think of them today..theyve been battleing cancer i belevie for about 2 years now..and about ten days ago the father posted this...
"It is difficult to hear a doctor say your child is going to die from his leukemia, and a much harder thing to accept that there is nothing else you can do to save them. It is hard to accept that the cancer will win after the intense suffering Conner, Sheryl, Matthew, and I experienced over the last 5 months. It’s hard to accept that our family of four will soon be a family of three. I weep for my son and my family when I look back on all that suffering, especially when it feels like we suffered for nothing.

Conner’s blood work indicated that the last cycle of treatment failed to push down the leukemia, and his attending physician explained to us that this was the last curative therapy we could try. Any other drugs would only buy Conner time. On top of this the MRI results from two weeks ago showed continued assault to his brain, an injury the neurologists did not believe he could recover from with only a few weeks on rehab. So, Sheryl and I found ourselves backed into a corner, knowing there was no escape. We decided the best thing for Conner was to stop the chemo, stop the medicines and tests and move him to hospice, where they can keep him comfortable and pain free until the end. This is the best, most merciful thing we can do for our little five-year-old boy. He’s done everything we’ve asked of him, and now it’s time for him to rest. After five months, we finally find ourselves letting go."
i dont know how i could make that decision..the decision that is the most painfull thing for me but the absolute best thing i could do for my son...i cant even begin to imagine what this family is feeling..is going through.i want to push these thoughs out.i dont want to think about it,i dont want to weep with this hurt in my heart and i want to pretend i never knew of this hurting painful story..but i cant..because this family,who are brothers and sisters of mine in christ..ARE going through something awful.they ARE hurting it IS there child they are watching fade away.and as much as i want to pretend something so painful isnt happening to someone in the world..it is.and as much a i feel there is nothing i can do for this family that i have never met..there is.there is one thing and one thing alone that can get someone through something so awful and that is prayer and so much of it..from anyone.ive never lost a child and i pray i never see that day.because as much as i hurt at the thought of it how much worse it would be as a parent to watch your child slowly slip away..
i sat at my computer at 10 last evening readin this blog and crying so hard i could barely stop..i couldnt help myself,i went into my sleeping 9 month old sons room ,picked him up and just thanked God for blessing us with him and thanking him over and over again for the time we have with him..because he is just a bonus from God...my pastor at the church i went to in pa had a sermon one day about the gift of salvation...here is some of the things i remember.. "the Lord owes us NOTHING..he freely gave us the GIFT of salvation and aside from that we need nothing.anything else the Lord decides to bless us with is just a bonus.i ,in no way deserve any of these bonuses,but the Lord has blessed us with these things..my home,is a bonus,money,is a bonus,my family is just a bonus..."i cant help but think of that so much today..all these things in my life that are steady,that are there everyday for me to use for me to love for me to hold are just added bonuses to the most precious gift the Lord has already given me..which is salvation.eternal life with my Lord.why he gave me these added bonuses?he just loves me that much..but these bonuses are not mine..therefor my son..is not mine .he is the Lords and wen He see's fit he can take him home to be with him.
this perspective and hearing this tragic story that this family is going through has made me sit back ,look at what i have and just cry,a grateful cry,a cry that is saying at the top of my lungs THANK YOU LORD JESUS !!!thank you for my family that surrounds me everyday.thank you that i can hug them,kiss them and hold them.thank you for my home!!thank you for all these things that i have forgotten to thank you for. then theres a pleeding cry,oh Lord please let me keep them a while longer.please Lord! and then a cry of sacrifice..yes Lord i know none of these precious gifts are mine..they are yours.and you know best..always.
this family has no idea the testimony they are leaving for the rest of us that hear there story.they ahve no idea the impact they have on lives they know nothing of.but there story has opened my eyes.it has made me so grateful it has put me on my knees.
is the Lord a giver or a taker? that was a hard question for me ...i tend to be a bit more pesimistic and often see the glass as half empty...and when i ask myself is God a giver or a taker?i often find myself asking God not to take things from me that i treasure...but he is a giver.i forget that al the things i want to keep are things he originally GAVE me.which meens they are His.He IS a giver.BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD.
this family is so incredible .the things they write..knowing that there son is about to meet Jesus.its so beautiful when you think of death that wayits not the end for him..its only the beginning..and knowing they will someday see there son again.they have receiverd the FREE gift of salvation.and that my friends is greatest most pricelss gift we will EVER receive.
i dont think i will ever meet this family here on this earth but if i could,i would thank them for sharing there story.i would hug them and tell them how deeply sorry i am for what there going through.and i would tell them how much they have touched my life.

this story has made me realize how precius my family is to me.and how pointless those little things we get upset about really are.if it was me,holding my son for what could possibly be the last day,the last hour or even the last minute, he is alive,i would hold him with the softest most passionate arms,and with the most amount of love pouring out of me that i could possibly give.how different my eyes would see him.every passing second would the most precious thing...holding him would in no way be a chore.it would be an blessing. thats what our time on earth with our loved ones is...a blessing.

im sorry aboutthis long post i wrote what was on my mind and some of the things may have not come out as i would have liked them to..bt i wanted to write this...for something to look back on...and remember to hold them a little tighter "today"
http://weloveconner.wordpress.com/2011/08/30/bittersweet/

http://youtu.be/v0svXA-oRTk

my little boy..

tonight i had one of those moments..the kind of moment where you just sit back and look at your child and think "oh my word..hes really growing up..it just happens..i cant do nothing about it.."not that id want to ..i love that hes growing up..but everytime he does something new...it just shocks the socks off of me cause i just think hes still a baby...he cant do that yet! tonight he had a french fry in one hand a nd a peice of bread in the other..and he wsa feeding himself...and for some rason this just freaked me out...i kept telling matt who was talking to some other people.."honey are you seeing this huge stepping stone in our sons life right now?!" he who was sorta annoyed that i wasnt getting over it was like "yes dear i see."wow-my baby is growing up!!
i wish i could post pictures..but as of right now i cant find my camera cord so until then..no pictures.
Asher is almost craawling...hes not quite there so his crawl looks more like hes doing the worm...but boy that child gets around!he already is starting to get into stuff..guess that meens its time to put my nice decoorations away from the floor..
Hes all about his made up word "uh-ga"he says it all the time..and he changes the tone of his voice while sayin the same word so it sounds like his "story"is really interesting and hes really into telling it...its halarious..he loves his new word so much that the past few nights hes been waking up at 3 am and laying in his crib saying "uh-ga uh-ga uh-ga!!"he rally thinks hes talking to..tonight matt was saying his name real fast and loud and after matt would say "asherrr" asher would say "uh-gaaaa" it sounded so much like he was tryin to copy his daddy:)too cute.
oh my dear husband-theres just nothing,absolutely nothing like seeing the man your madly in love with ,father his son.the proud look he gets in his eye when we take our son to ball games.the way he carries him into church sunday mornings..they big smile he has when he comes home from work and sees him or the way as soon as asher comes into bed with us n the morning,matt rolls over and says"hey buddy"like hes been waiting for him...i just want to sit back and watch the two of them together..its an incredible thing to see a father loving on his son.and then to think of how God gave His only son to die for us!i cannot imagine loosing my son,much worse..giving him willingly.what an incredible God we serve!!
im reading the book called "choosing to see" by marybeth chapman.its all about her story and her trajic loss of her daughter,who was killed by a car running over her..the worse part is that her son was the one to drive over her..i have had my share of crying reading this book..hearing the mother talk about loosing her daughter and hearing how the son felt...it ripped my heart into peices...and made me so thankful and this morning when i so badly wanted to sleep in but my son did not..i layed tehre and thought..if i was the mom who lost her child i would look back in this moment and think"why didnt i just get up and play with him.."so thats what i did:)this book has definately put things into perspective for me..do not take what you have for granted.enjoy your season of life..whatever that may be,be selfless.and love,uncontrolably,with all youve got...LOVE

sleep where have you gone...

my little man is teething..at 6 months old he has gotten his first tooth and im pretty sure tooth number 2 is on the way..on top of that he has a cold...so to say i get little sleep is nearly an over-statement...its gotten better but about a week ago i started sleeping in the bed in his room because it seems as though as soon as id go in to give him his nuk and put him on his tummy..then go lay back in our bed and get confy hed cry again..i did this one night for 2 hours til finaly my brain started working and i figured it would be easier to sleep in the bed in his room...last night he slept 7 and a half hours straight and that is the first in probably a month...it felt amazing!!




saturday we went to the first over heated ball tourny...it was hott!!we ended up buying a portable fan ,putting it in the back of his stroller facing him..that kept him happy most the day..:)he was sporting his shades and hat half the time as well..which we thought was just to darn cute:) i was amazed at how well he did..he didnt take too many naps but he help up ok so i was fine with that..but boy did he sack out on the way home!:)
this post was gana be way longer but tyhe little guy woke up n needs som lovin..so another time..

a day like this..

there are days when living far away from my family,from my best friends,from where i grew up ,just get to me..and i find myself so badly wanting to wollow in self pitty(this may or may not be one of those days:))although i wil say i sat on the rocking chair with my son this morning while we went through his little pphoto album of all his aunts and uncles and cousins and mimi and pap in pa..i got a little choked up.its probably a good thing that i keep these feelings inside(my blog is an exeption:))cause i think talking to someone about it may only make it worse..soo i will stop right there on that subject.:)

asher woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning..he wa a grouch all morning til finally he took a long nap and this time woke up on the right side of bed..im babysitting for a friend of mine whil shes at a lunch...and he is keeping asher entertained nmow by playing his lille singing giraffe over and over again:)i think we need to have another kid:)jk!

its sooo hot here today..the past 2 days have gotten warmer and warmer and im jsut sure todays the limit!soo i dont think ill be laying out today..plus im babysitting till 2 ish..
he has so much fun in his bouncer nd i love it..its wen i get my best work done:)
i love gettin him to smile with his nuk in..

those little feet..i love his feet!

peeking around the corner..

so intense

love this guy!!

an update on "us"

i love my blog...you wouldnt know it if you looked at it..but i really do love it.its just so rare that i sit at the computer and write on it..:(
asher,asher, asher....my life is so much sweeter with him..he is scooting all over the place...he dont really know hes doin it yet but he is..i lay him on a blanket and a few minutes later he is on the other side of the room just talkin to himself...i have been breastfeeding himand i love it and had planned on doing so till he is about a year old or ready to eat only solids(i dont want to have to buy that much formula)but my milk supply has been super low lately so i finaly called my dr today and got a prescription..im hopeing it works!!
im on a diet..i dont like to call it a diet..i want this to be a way of life..and the author of the 17 day diet(www.the17daydiet.com/ )says the same..ive been on it a week and have lost 7 pounds(i think..my scales isnt right..but i weighed myself on there when i started and today and its 7 pounds different...but its just the wrong number..u get me?)anywyas i am loving this thing..its easy and making me realize what kind of crap i put in my body!i eat a ton of vegetables and chicken and fish...i feel o good and i dont feel like im starving myself or setting my self up for failure after its over..i am on the right road:)
my husband...marriage really does just keep gettin better...i married the most incredible fun patient and loving man..i love him more seeing him as a father..last night he was talkin to asher and his little eyes were just glued to his daddys..melts my heart everytime..hes staying busy at work..on sat they played in a ball tourny and had to play 5 games in a row..soo saying hes sore is an understatement..he also got a massive strawberry on his leg and about screams everytime he gets in the shower..poor man!:)
i planted my garden with my father in law(hes the master at gardening) on friday..i cannot wait for my vegetables to come up!speaking of vegetables i need to go make supper:)
(at his daddys first ball tounry earlier this year..he loves goin to games and just cant stop watching all the action goin on on the field)

we had a pretty rough week last week-asher had a bad cold and a cough,and then i got the same thing which to find out mine ws allergies:( matt has been coaching little league and last week of all weeks they had a tournament which meens he was gone 3 of the 4 nights that i was feeling miserable and the 4th night we had to clean a house(he went with me cause i was so miserable and it had to be done)friday morning i went to matts aunts house to go with her to a party,i walked in,asher was screaming,and i just broke down and cried..(for the 2nd time that morning) y sweet aunt,who is a lady i just adore,gave me a hug and prayed healing over asher and told me it was gana be ok..last week was a week i needed my mom.monday was the first of us both being sick and all day i just wanted to sleep but asher was real fussy(hes teething on top of that)matt came home for about a half hour and then left to go coach,everytime he left this week i think i got tears...my dear sweet parent in laws came over that evening to visit with me,im sure they have no idea what that menat/did for me!matts mom put asher to sleep for me and i just sat there for the first all day not worried about him and not holding him..it meant soo much to me that they stopped in while matt was gone.asher is now feeling much better..stilla a little stuffy and still not back to his normal sleeping through the night:( which i pray for every evening cause i have been loosing allot of sleep throughout the night which i make up for in the mornings but then i have no energy wen i do crawl out of bed at 10-11 am:(saturday i started gettins sinus headaches-i have never evr had such bad headaches...sunday i stayed home from church cause i had one and then another one later that morning.i wasw really worried that something was seriously worried till i googled sinus headaches and realized thats what it was...i did a ferw things that they recomended and havent had one since ..thank the Lord!
today im feeling alolto better..im stil very stuffed and i cough allot whenever i laugh or get a little worked up-but im pretty sure thats from all the nasty pollen(which our blue truck looks yellow..no lie!)last week felt like such a serious,emotional week which i dont do well with to much seriousness:)so i was excited to get this week started off knowing i had allot of stuff goin that would get me out of the house(which i need to do more of)..but this morning started off the same as every morning last week-i didnt fall asleep til sometime after 1 last night(no clue why) asher was up at 5 and again at 7 and from 7-8 didnt do much sleeping finaly at 8 i got up til 9 and we both went back to bed til 1030:)so agian-no energy,on top of that i got a call about a job i did,and she very nicely asked me to come and go over some things(another words,i didnt do a good enough job) i do not do well with this kind of stuff,i felt beyond terrible about it,i even cried to my mom cause i felt so awful,and i was soo hard on myself.i dont know why im like this,but any time i have any kind of conflict against me i take it soo hard.maybe i care what ppl think to much,i dont know but i just wanted to lay on the couch for the rest of the day and feel miserable..i talked ot my mom about it who told me i cant be so hard on myself..and i realized she was right,so i cleaned a part of my house:)which got interupted cause asher does not want to take long naps:(he sleeps half hourto 45 minutes-if im lucky an hour..normally he takes 2 hour naps:(PLUS hes not sleeping at night-LORD HELP ME!
wow ths post seems like alot of complaining...and i didnt meen for it to come out like that...i wanted to write about this so someday i can read back over it and be so thankful for health and good times with my family.so please dont be mistaken i still love being a momma as much as i ever did!we just had a rough week:)

a few sweet pics from the weekend...
asher and his cousin dakota-2 weeks apart.

those little feet..

watchin the masters with his daddy...

my poor baby boy is sick-hes had a cold for a while now and it wasnt to bad but friday night he started coughin a little,saturday we went to a ball tourny an hou and a half away and it was kinda windy all day-i tried to keep him wel covered but i dont think it did much for his cough-yesterday he was pretty much the same as satrday-not awful but def not well.then last night his cough seemed to get worse,i was up every hour with him...on top of all this i havent been feelin to well since friday either..ive had stomach aches-not consistent ,they come and go but come and go allot.its been better today though.asher has been pretty miserable today-i feel so sorry for him-hes been pretty much clinging to me all day-so my messy house has been put on hold until hes beter.his voice is soo soft cause i think he has a sore throat as well-wen he cries,its so quite that i barely hear him:(ive been praying over him all day-and im hoping that tomorow he feels much better...
and then 430 rolled around and at this point im about to cry cause its ust beena rough day for both of us,my husband runs in the house,grabs a bite to eat and is back out the dorr in about 15 minutes to go coach little league tonight..not perfect timing at all:(so after he left i sat there with asher and we both just cried a little bit...good medicine for me.i told my husband since ive been taking care of him alone the since last night,wen he comes home tonight he has to go out and buy me some wine coolers cause i deserve it...:)
i have a cleaning job tomorow so my sis in law has asher and she says shes up for it,so im praying hard that hes a bit better tomorow..
im gana go try and take a shower now...hopefully he sleeps long enough that i can:)

this little man...the sunshine of my life..
being a mommy is sucha huge blessing..i love staying at home with my baby-other then cleaning,laundrey and dishes i dont have that mucht o do during the day which meens i have time to just lay on the floor and talk to him,or sit out on our porch and watch him look around,or let him play in his bath tub every morning for a while,or rock him until he falls asleep...im so thankful how aware i am that these are the big moments in life..and Lord willing im gana have 3 or 4 more ,so this time,right now,i wont EVER get again...just me and my baby....and then wen the 2nd and 3rd one comes..it will be that way again,but my goal in life right now is to enjoy the moment,the right now.
parenting with my husband is the best.i was scared for a long time that once we become parents,everything between us would change,and not in a good way..it HAS changed,but in the best way possible..i dont think marriage has ever been better then it is right now...we love to have fun,and asher has jumped right on board with that.he doesnt keep us from havinga good time.were so sarcastic..for a while i didnt take his sarcasm to well..but wen i figured it out,and realized what fun we could have with it,its one of the things i love most about him:)everytime i see him talkin to uor son,llaughing with him,talkin baby talk with him.i light up..thres nothing sexier then seeing ur husband as a father.and i am eternally gratefull that the Lord has allowed us to be parents together.i know not all couples are able to have children and after seeing my sister go through a few years of thinkin they wouldnt be able to concieve(whcih ppraise the Lord ,after thsoe few years they now have 2 kids of tehre own and 1 addopted)i realized it is truely a blessing and an honore to be able to have children.
i love our evenings right now..matt comes home from work-hangs out with asher till dinner is ready.asher sits in his bouncer as matt and i eat and he either fusses to us or just sits there and watches:)-so perfectly content(most the time:))after dinner,we change it up but latelyi take a shower while matt gets asher ready for bed and give him his cereal bottle,then the 3 of us watch some tv while i try to get asher to sleep,we put him down between 730 and 830 and after that matt and i snuggle on the couch and watch our shows on tv..thats our time together-it works for us..we sit there and talk about our shows:)make each other laugh..we love that time..over the summer it dont happen as much cause matt has ballgames but we always come home from a game and then if the braves are on ,we watch that game yet too:)its so fun to see how much our marriage has grown over the past year and a half... i so beleive when people say "it keeps getting better"cuz so far it has:)
well thats all for me for today-this post has been pretty random-but thats how i roll:)

North Carolina is so beautiful this time of the year...spring sure is springing:)i love having my windows open on days like todaybut around 3:00 i have to shut them all and turn the air on-or else my husband will complain a bit:)its been a while since i wrote on here and everytime i do write i say that im gana get better at it:)
a little over a week ago i went to pa to spend the week with my sister karen while her husband went to haiti..what a fun and special week-we had so many good laughs a few tears(over a very emotional tv show:)) and just allot of good times.aftera week of being in a diferect house with asher and not having my husband around i was so ready to come home..it was quite a trip. and i wrote about it on facebook but i wna put it on here so that i can always remember this special flight home:)
soo i made it home..let me tell you my story-its funny really..asher and i were on the plane in philly about to head home.it was 2:00pm.and i meen we were literally on the runway about to take off ..asher had just fallen into a deep sleep which i was grateful for cause i knew this meant he'd sleep the whole plane ride..suddenly the pilot announces.."our 2nd engine isnt running..we will be de-planeing."soo we all got off the plane..asher is now awake.in the airport theres a long line waiting to change there tickets..since i was holding my son and had no stroller or my sling(i put it in my suitcase cause i didnt think id use it.der!) i sat down and thought il just wait til the line goes down---lets just say it was moving VERY slowly..meen while asher poops..so i run to the bathroom to change him.i layed him down on his WHITE blanket and it was a big one..i had him all cleaned up and was about to put his pamper back on when dont u know..he started pooping again..in a panic i placed my hand under his bottom and cought the poop(didnt get any on the white blanket:))i grabbed some wipes and wiped my hand off. i look up at my dear son with an angry look and he gets this big smile on his face..which of course made me smile..i then proceeded to put his diaper and clothes back on..i go to wash my one hand while holding son in the other and dont you know, he throws up all over me...my responce was "REALLY SON!!" (not in a very friendly tone either) i look at my son who is once again smiling away.and once again i had to smile to. although what i really wanted to do was bawl my eyes out..who couldnt smile back at that..i get back to the enormous long line which hasnt moved since i entered the bathroom..so i sit back down(let me just say as i sat,my throwup and poop aroma filled the air)at that point a very kind lady closeto the front of the line offers to let me go in front of her while another lady who looked trust worthy offered to hold my son..(which at this point i was glad for considering my arms were very tired.although i kept a very close eye on her)i finaly got to the front,changed my ticket to 515.we went to our gate which was a pretty long distance from the restroom and all the shops/restaraunts etc(fail! cause as much as i was in the restroom our gate should have been located there) i got my excersize,running to the restroom for me,then again to change asher,then again to heat his bottle then again to get a drink and snack for me,then again to change asher again...you get it..i barely sat in those few hours.my plane was gana board in 10 minutes and i look at my son who has a mysterious spot on his shirt...so naturally i smell it and realize, that "spot" is poop! i run to a corner cause the bathroom was to far,at that point my plane started boarding,im panicing! i change ashers pamper,change his clothes ,am about to cry and i look at my son who of course is smiling again...at this point i realize he is really proud of himself for all the emptying out he has done in one day,which caused mom to panic which was very entertaining for him...all this made me laugh.bless hs heart..needless to say,i got on my plane,asher slept the entire way to charlotte but lets just say the minute i got off that plane he realized he was hungry n he threw a fit..it was quite a walk from my gate to baggage claim and he screamed..i meen really really screamed the entire way there..i tried to hold him with all my fingers showing so people could see that i really wasnt pinching him.i finally spotted my husband and with a smile on my face i handed him his son-dont u no imidiately he quits crying.my husband then points out "somthing stinks..is it you?" REALLY??YOU THINK??!! :) it was a good day-one for the books.and its soo good to be home!

that being said...on to new things...im writing about this next part..simply so i can rememeber this..my prayers,my feelings...
im sitting here at the desk and i have my arm resting on pile i meen what looks like a tiny mountain, of hospital bills...theyve been rolling in since we had asher..right when i thought i got the last one..i got apendisitis..and there coming in again...its been so overwhelming for me.and for matt...and today it is trying REALLY tryin to rob me of my joy and make me sob..(as i type tears are coming..hold em back ony hold em back) over the weekend ive heard 2 stories of friends of mine having miracluous moments of finances being taken care of...and today ive been crying out to God..please let it be our turn..i promised God this morning..that today im gana rest..so that he can work.and it seems as though the devil keeps shoving those bills in my face saying HOW ARE YOU GANA DO THIS??!!so ive had the most encouraging songs playing through out my house all day...and im clinging to every lyric of each song...
"when the waves have taken you under hold on just a little bit longer he knows that this is gana make you stronger."
"thank you for the cross and the life you gave.wonderful.powerful JESUS IS YOUR NAME hallelujah Jesus"
"And the arms that hold the universe Are holding you tonight. You can rest inside.
It's gonna be alright. And the voice that calmed the raging sea Is calling you His child .So be still and know He's in control. He will never let you go "
"i know your there,i know you hear me,i can find you anywhere"
"we all fall down. we all need saving once in a while. you are not alone.we all loose faith and lean on mercy. through our darkest night he said hed wait for us,just come to jesus"
..and many more.. and then i have my precious son...who this morning as i was praying and holding him i just asked God "your gana take care of this right??" i looked down at asher who was smiling so big at me..i got tears..i could see my fathers smile in that little boy..dont worry my child...ive got this.
so i sit here.focusing on how good my father is...how wonderful it is that i can cling to him..how peaceful of a rest i can have even when i feel as though i might be sinking in the middle of an oceon with no one around...cause my father can walk on the water...and with him i can to..THANK YOU LORD!
i am blesed..in so many ways.. so far God has always provided for us when we needed it..and i know he will continue to do so. i have wonderful friends.this thurs. is my birthday and tonight i have agirls night out and one of my dearest friends is paying for my evening.tomorow i have mops..which always is just what i need.wednesday i dont think im doing anything.thursday a bunch of ladies are goin to a friend of mines house for a lil bday party for me,friday another one of my best friends here is taking me out for lunch and were gana take our sons pictures...and somewhere along the ling my husband is taking me out..talk about being spoiled.im excited.
and thats all im gana write today...

today i am gettin ready for my best friend and her daughter to come to town:)she lives in pennsylvania and since i have been married she has not been down here-so u can understand my excitement..we have a special friendshipshes not only my best friend ,shes my cousin...so shes family-which most best friends feel like family anyways-but she acutqally is!:)we have soo many memories which also meens we have so many "inside jokes"which are the best..we laugh at the same things,we cry wen the other is having a hard time..we feel for each other,we know each other pretty well inside and out-most times we know what the other is thinking...and most of all..we know how ot have a good time:)we love to make each other laugh/..and once one of us has the other laughing..theres no stopping us..we keep em coming until were both in tears:)when i lived in pa-we ran together-running with her made me even more motivated(something i need now!!)and we alway pushed each other to keep going...when one of us reached our goal we showed out full support and excitement..wether or not the other one reached her goal.we both have kids now..so once again we have so much in common and can completely undestand what the other one is goin through-weve had our moments you know...being with someone soo much,you have those..but we were always honest with each other-and we always worked through it.time and time again she has been tehre for me,whatever im goin through-wether we talk about it or not,i know that shes always there,ready and waiting to be there for me,support me lift me up..whatever i need.thats why shes my best friend...looking back on all the fun and halarious memories we have...i will always smile..















....so yes i am exstatic about this weekend..to add to our memories pile..and now theres 2 more little ones to join us:)

excuse the looks of my site..i CANNOT figure out how to get the old background off(with the polka dots) anyone know how to do this???

hrei am-making another attempt to write on my blog-this time son is tucked in bed..although he will probably be up again soon for his next feeding..hes 3 months this week..i cant beleive how fast time has gone...and how much he is doing-at 5 weeks he gave us his first awake smile:) at 9 or 10 weeks he rolled over for the first time..hasnt done it since!:) at 11 weeks he gave his first giggle and just this week he started "talking" you know you say something then he does a little coo :)its so sweet..he still has not slept through the night-i am excited for that day although at the same time i dont mind too much getting up at night to feed him...as long as its not more then once or so ...he usually gets up aruond 3 am and everytime at some point during that feeding he looks up at me and just smiles..lately as he does it a a drip of milk falls down his cheek:) and at 3 am i cant help but smile back:)right now hes goin through a growth spurt ...which meens hes up allot more at night-which makes one verfy tired momma..but im hoping it ends soon!i cannot say how much i love being a momma..its crazy how much you can love a human being...overwhelming at times.
when asher was 2 months old i got apendicitis:(NOT cool!!i had been feeling pain since that morning(a wednesday) but thought it was from working out..as the day went on the pain got worse and that evening i told matt something isnt right...but still didnt think much of it..i went to bed at 11 that night in quite a bit of pain..had taken some ibuprfen..and slept for a few hours..asher got up at one and wen i woke up i could barely make it to his room...i went back to our bed woke matt up and ws in tears from the pain...we waited around a bit trying to decide what we were gana do...finaly matt called his broinlaw who used to be an emt and told him where i was feeling pain and what my level of pain was..he told us we need to go to the hospital so matts sister came at 2 am and picked asher up..matt got all his stuff packed as i sat there crying cause i was in too much pain to even feed him:(we got in to the hospital and they gave me pain meds which held me over till my surgery later that day..i ended up being in the hospital til friday evening..i hated being away form asher bt my dear sisinlaw took great care of him and brought him in to see me thursday evening..i couldnt hardly hold him cause i had just had surgery..but i got to kiss him a bit...my husband was home over the weekend so he took good care of me..as did my inlaws!!by monday i ws feeling pretty good..the recovery wasnt bad at all..but seriouslyl..2 surgerys in 2 months??REALLY!
homesickness has definately gotten worse for me since i had him...i feel it allot more..and i cry about it allot more...but its weird cause at the same time..i have never felt so fullfilled...i feel so fullfilled being a wife and a mother.asher and i are goin to pa next month for a week and i am extatic seein that my sisters and brothers have only seen asher once(wen we were up fora week right before christmas) he was only 3 weeks old...hes changed soo much since then..my mom and dad were down a few weeks ago but even since then hes changed..he smiles at anything right now..he "talks" and is so much more allert..im so excited to have my family see al this:)im sad to leave my hubby..but i know it wil be so good to go to pa for a bit...and im sure it wil feel allot diferent to come home now that we have a son..i think i wil probably be more ready theni normally am..simply because this is our home..i feel that now with having asher and raising him here this will seem more like home to me.

mu husband=one amazing father..my heart melts everytime i see him and my son together-i thought i loved my husband before we had a son but now my love for him feels so much deeper...he is such an incredible daddy-he loves gettin him to smile and will talk his baby talk to him until he gets one:)whenever he comes home from work asher and i go to the door to greet him and matt just gets this little sparkle in his eye wen he sees his little boy..melts my heart..its so special...i feel like our marriage has grown stronger just since we had him..the whole parenting thing kinda does that to youi think..and im sure as the years go on it will get harder stayin connected and all that..but "If God is for us who can be against us"
so yes we are LOVING this stage of life..my husband is quite excited about the next stage..when he can teach his little boy how to play ball and come home from work and take him out in the back yard and throw ball with him...yet still we are enjoying every stage..and excited to see what all Gods gana do in this amazing little mans life:)
well i think thats all im gana write for now ...ill leave you wiht an updated pictures of my baby
he loves his daddy

learning to sit in his bumbo seat

oh that smile..

after my appenidx was removed...i layed inbed allot..and he layed right there with me:)

it has been forever since i posted on my blog-lets just say i have had all my attention else where-and sitting at the computer and typing a post was not on my list of things to do...i want to do better with it though... but probably not at this moment..for my husband just brought me my crying son an typing with one hand really is quite frustrating..so another day...